Below are the 14 most recent journal entries recorded in asdrubalex's LiveJournal:

Saturday, November 22nd, 2008
5:54 pm	Vivro' Oggi va' meglio. Mi sento pure di scrivere in italiano, cosa che non capita molto spesso. Ho avuto una giornata abbastanza piena pur non avendo lezioni. Ora che ho finito per la giornata, posso riposarmi. Ascolto Piaf. Sogno che le cose possano essere diverse, senza la speranza che lo saranno. Come faro' a vivere una vita intera? Il pensiero mi distrugge. Tutte queste giornate che si susseguono l'un l'altra, con l'obbligazione di viverle solo perche si e' stati messi al mondo. Forse le dobbiamo vivere anche come obbligo a chi ormai non puo' piu'. Si. Vivro'. Ma ormai non piu' per me. Vivro' per le persone che ho perso, e vivro per le persone che lo vorranno di me. Current Mood: Resolute (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 20th, 2008
10:47 pm	Numb I feel numb. I feel like i should feel something. Anything. All i feel right now is my tiredness. No emotions. Or rather, they have been blocked. perhaps i have so gotten used to feeling the sameway in the wake of him that i no longer feel the same as i used to. that apprehension, that worry. i guess he's been acting the way i have expected him to, and that really is no suprise. I wonder why i even try. i keep thinking that perhaps this time will be different. that this time he will realise how he misses me, if at all. I keep thinking, this has to be it. But maybe THIS IS it. maybe this is the way our relationships, should one be able to call it that, is meant to be. An on and off thing. A call bourne from his whims, a text from my nostalgia. I really can't have it. I think i'm surviving better because i'm more busy than i was... but every now and then my mind turns to it and it's a thorn in my side that just won't go away. A beautiful rose, whose frangrance creates a bitter-sweet addiction. But thorns of adamanthium, stained with my blood, that flows now like a raging river. Current Mood: numb (Comment on this)
Monday, November 17th, 2008
9:47 pm	FIGHT Even as time flows, I remain still, a rock sunk at the bottom of it's bed. Yes, time changes. The things around me are ever flowing. THe people in my life, the places that I go to. But some things in my life i feel haven't changed. My Life. What is the purpouse of a lifetime? A child is born into this world, with a clean slate. Any one given child has (apart from if given seriously physical/mental handicaps) the chance to become anything it wants to be. But as it grows it loses that drive. A toddler still has that innocence. A toddler still has REAL dreams. Dreams that are really the expression of it's own desires. Then our dreams become tainted. The world around us affects us all. It changes us, tries to model us into it's own image. Sometimes it makes our hair go white. Sometimes it makes us smash a plate. Sometimes it makes us tie a noose to our necks. Why does it always have to be the case? Why can't we live as innocently as we did when we were children? To be able to laugh with that genuine smile, that laughter that springs from out heart and takes over us. It brings tears to our eyes. Why does the world have to made of Agenda's, and qualifications, and expectations. I have navigated the current of life for twenty-one years now. And i feel only that i have begun to realise this now. Sometimes I wonder if life is really worth it. would it not be better to sleep eternally? Shut your eyes and never awaken? Life is a battle. Love is a battle. It's a battlefield. You have to FIGHT. you have to make yourself take up your weapon and swing it at the person you hate because at the end of the day, if you don't, then your enemy won't be so compassionate. Kill or be killed. We're still in a savana. there are still predators, and there are still prey. So what will it be. Will you fight, or will you die? Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Friday, March 28th, 2008
9:48 pm	What can I say. Time has passed inexorably as always. A river that flows only in one direction, a flowing river that one can only traverse downwards with no hope of going back. Two years, now. Two years of hopes, dreams, shattered, like a hammer to a mirror. I have tried to piece back that which I wanted, but now its tainted. The cracks make me unsure, unable, unworthy. i can't honestly face what it is i used to want. I can't look into the mirror of myself because i know that in the end i am unable to face it. I can't face my image looking at my. Asking me what it is i am doing now. I can see it staring at me. It's head cocked to one side, quizzicly wondering what it is i have become. I sometimes ask that myself. Two years, 600 days have passed. And in those 600 days i have become a completely different people from before. I can't remember well how it is i was. I just now that, in all probability, I have become someone that i wouldn't have wanted to be. I can't appreciate a kiss like I used to. I can't appreciate the touch of a loved one like i used to. I can't appreciate the sun's rays like i used to. But such a pain is so deep that not ever i can discern it. To be honest, to a certain degree i have never been happier with myself. I am quite physically fit, i run everyday, and i love running. My body has never felt in more shape than now. But even so, i still feel something is missing. I think i'm missing that important thing. and that's why, at 22:00, i'm going running. Current Mood: restless (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 30th, 2006
11:25 pm	sorry- it has been a while!! Sorry for not to have updated in a bit- between my japanese exam and my travelling i had little or no time to do it in! so now that i can i will. Tomorrow i have my date- i am a bit nervous about it, asim a clux!!! so i hope to survive. thank god we're each bringing a friend so we can support eacother!!!! Im a bit tired; tomorrow `i have to run some errands and i have to go the bank to get some cash because i broke my cash card tryint to break in to my house. yes, i am very smart using something so important. but i can just go to the bank and withdraw the cash, so thank god for that!! got 70% on my japanese so im pretty pleased by that- i mean i was pretty scared to have gotten a lower score, but it was pretty high!!! anyways ill let u all know about tomorrow!!! bai bai (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 26th, 2006
7:07 pm	Hai! OMFG! of all the effin weekends, today was the day where we put our clocks ahead an hours, which... yay! means i woke up at 6 instead of 7... had to catch a train and beat pisa by 10. then met some friends so i could revise japanese, AGAIN!!!! Im so fucking nervous abotu this exam!! Then i went to lunch at a friend.... didnt do much... played a cool game... ah reminds me i need to dl alexander! seems like a pretty cool game... anyways... am so tired i was almost falling asleep on the train... i almost missed my stop! It sux. I need more sleep. also i should do the things i should do instead of thinking i should do them instead of doing them. did taht make sense!!! Tomorrow seeing my bro and his gf... my bro is such an egocentric arse hole... his gf is realyl nice... i realyl dont know what they see in one another!! Then my dreaded exam.... omg i cant wait to do it so at least it's over and done with!! well im off to eat *stomps on the kitchen* there better be something i can cook... Bai Bai! Dru-sama! Current Mood: tired (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
8:36 pm	Shikata nai wa nee... SASATO KATATSUKERU HA YO! Pfft what did i do today? Another day of my life that just drifetd away into oblivion... how depressing!! Did some latin, and then my rents started arguing because me step aunts are bitches.... oh well... the whole thing doesnt really deserve to be writteb about inmho!! Omg,,,, totally in like.... PANIC!!! got my jap exam on mon and im so scared ill fail it, so im going to concentrate on that for the next few days. So 2moro is going to be Kanji revision, sat rules and sun vocab..... i might be cutting a bit tight, but w/e Ill just wing it like i always do!!! hmm and now to spend my evening playing majesty :D bai bai! Dru Current Mood: blank (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 21st, 2006
10:40 pm	Kisashi buri da na!! Yes. I suck. but we knew that, so lets just deal with it and move on. I always said taht keeping diaries for me was an effort, so it's not like i didnt tell u before hand. but seriously who reads this :s oh well i guess i will when im old and grey (half way there for the gray part!) So... what HAVE I been doing, some might ask. Well. i have been doing fuck all... well not erally! i mean i am being kept busy by uni, gym, japanese, pool... ecc.. but somehoe it all seems like a daze! anyways, on the 27th im going to my japanese exam and im a bit worried abt it cos im a bit lacking vocab and kanji conaissance. but of course ill leave that to the lasty minute cramming, as i always do. Who said that it's bad for you!! Also a new and improved update: I have someone in my life special! a taisetsu na hito! she's a great girl and i hope that it wont end like my mother relationships but i have the feeling it wont .... Ill see her on the friday 31st of March... we're going on our first date... im a bit scared ill be awful as its been so long... well, again ill just wing it! Go me! TTFN! (Ta ta for now!) Amedeo Current Mood: chipper (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 5th, 2006
10:20 pm	ROBE: SILVER ICE CRYSTAL! yay! mai otome episode kept me happy, for like 20 mins, because now we have cliffhanger, and i have to wait till the next ep to know the result! damn... nm done today, did a bit of latin... tomorrow got japanese lesson... at least i did me h/w... hmm i am the roxxorz. did it all in kana *laughs hysterically* I WILL BE DA BEST!!! *ROBE: SUPER VAIN ARRGANT DUDE: MATERIALISE!*<--- that's me. im not really like that all the time, but i can be very competitive about thethings i care about it...sometimes i am too laid back tho, hmmm.... maybe i needa therapist... ak gotta go to clean the kitchen *stomp stomp* and DAMN do i needa new comp chair! Current Mood: uncomfortable (Comment on this)
1:05 am	In my name I unlease your power! MATERIALISE!!! okay, i am SICK of waiting for hte next ep of Mai MAiD. So i will go to bed, adn check it out tomorrow. we had that meeting with that guy- it was fine. we took 10000 euros of his bills, and next time we are going to start playin having so we can pwn. More about that soon, as we will see him next onthe 16th of Feb. i am CONVINCED that my hair needs cutting, so i will do that tuesday. at least it'll be a relief. albeit strange. i actually do think that my hair is better short, but in denial i keep it long. How sad!nothing much really, i keep going to japanese class, and im doing my best to be the best, but this cheater who actually LIVED tehre and his japanese is actually really good compared to mine. Thing is he's weak in grammar and politess type things, so as long as i study really hard i'll surpass him. I ordered some kanji books to learn from, so i can start readin kanji, and learn the frist 250.... it'll be hard but fun! sunday, ive got a shitload of japanese h/w to do, and latin too... urrrg.... i should NOT leavethings tothe last minute. see ya! Current Mood: tired (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 31st, 2006
12:23 am	Time passes Dear, o Dear, O dear. I never have been good at keeping diaries, as my LJshows, but i will try ot be a bit more consistent from now on, I promise! It's been an eventfull month. i went to see my father in brindisi, which is where he lives with his new wife, who is a bitch but hyprpcritically nice to me. My stepsister's daughter calls my dad "Grandad" which makes me a bit jealous. she is having part of my father that i never had. Granted, i never felt need for it, but maybe it would have been nice to have had him a bit more present in my life. I m meant to go and see him soon, so that might be good,. At least he is generous when i see him. But i would have by far preferred him being there for me when i needed him, rather than getting 200 euros every time i see him. Well, maybe if i see him like every weekend, then i could be ok withy it. the works that were done at my country house (which is in italy, and was a wrek) have been done badly, and tomorrow the guy that's respobisible is comming and we got some diffrent people to not puy the remaning 23000 euros. According to our geomter friend, he owes us money!! can u believe that? I also restarted doing japanese. the course is good, and i actually feel like im learning and i feel motivated to study it. Im the first in my class, and i don't intend to be surpassed! I will try and update a bit more re tomorrow's meeting. Blessed Be, Amedeo Current Mood: blank (Comment on this)
Monday, September 5th, 2005
1:40 am	September the fith has arrived... so much time has passed since the summer started, and so much has changed. Somehow I feel that life is something so strange... technology, science, religion, state-craft... is it all real? What really lies at the end of this life? There are the questions that i ask myself sometimes, and like all philosophers, it's hard to find an answer. What to beieve? Are we in a spiritual prison, or is this a karmic set-back? Other than that, not an evenfull day. met some friends, went to the pool, that's about it really. Sometimes i really think that ishould better with my life, but is it really necessary to try so hard? Blessed be, Amedeo Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 3rd, 2005
1:07 am	What A life In the past month, the people in which my whole life was based have died... both my grandmother and my "honorary" grandfather have passed away, leaving only a trail of memories in their wake. Now that they are gone I feel so so bitter that I could not do anything to help them... to comfort them. I last saw my Nan on the 8th of June when I left for England... I knew i was going to stay for a while, but so she wouln't feel abbandonned I told her i'd only be gone for a week or so. never fora moment had i thought that she wouldn't be there when i got back... A month later, she died. I had the tickets, bought the previous week, when she was alive, just in the nick of time for the funeral. I remember saying to myself "shall i go before.. or a bit later?... oh heck later won't change anything!"... but it's changed so much. So much that every night I try to expiate my sins for the never being able to give back the love she gave to me when I was small... Dr Lastrucci also died... he wasn't told that my Nan was dead until she had already been buried, so he couldn't go to the funeral. Last time i saw him he said "I'll wait for you so youcan make me that excellent chicken in wine you return from england" Somehow, I feel that they both just go tired of waiting for me. And for all this time I had taken for grated they would be both there whenever i returned... I have learn now never to take anything for granted, especially in this situation. The day you leave, could also be the day the die... Current Mood: cynical (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
8:18 pm	Poof, How ironic, that i signed up almost a year ago, and this is my first entry. Well, I'm moving house, sold the one i had pisa, and to be honest i'm so frustrated at where i'm going to go ecc. Ithink i might camp for a while at a friends' while I look for a places- I alwayas hate moving house! so unecessary! Anyhoo, more soon. Current Mood: frustrated (1 Comment |Comment on this)